Thursday, September 2, 2010

The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

So Tuesday was a bad day. I wouldn't call it Tuesday, it was more like Lose-day or Bruise-day or Wish-I-Drank-Booze-Day... Although apparently Tuesday is named after the god of war - so yeah that feels about right. It all started off normal enough, alarm, shower, dress, read book while eating breakfast. And then about 3 miles down the road my tire exploded. So I pull over and start changing my tire. I am a modern woman and know how to change a tire. But I could not for the life of me get the spare out of the trunk! The bolt-thingy (I said I know how to change a tire - I never claimed to be a car person that knows the names of things. You should just be happy I'm calling it a tire and not a wheel) that holds the spare in place was rusted shut or something because it would not budge. I was whacking it with the crowbar and getting nothing. I finally decide to go ahead and jack the car up and take the blown tire off and then come back to to spare and see what I can do. But once I'm done with all that, I still can't get the thing to move. So I decide I just have to call someone. I go to my purse and what do you know? I forgot my phone. I left it plugged, charging on Mark's dresser - just where I need it. Naturally I burst in to tears. I quit being a woman who knows how to change a tire and turned in to a girl crying on the curb. But then two men come around the corner riding bicycles and I look up at them with hope shining in my tear filled eyes and they promptly look away and keep riding. Apparently work out is more important than crying girl on side of road. Naturally I cried a little harder. And started praying that the Lord would please send someone to help me- someone that was strong and not more involved in their stupid workout cause those guys looked weak and skinny and probably couldn't have helped me anyway. And that's when a big moving company truck comes around the corner with two huge black guys in it, leaning out the window asking if I need help. I sniffle and nod, because at this point that's about all I can do. So Fred and Frank come to my rescue. (Those are actually their names I didn't just randomly make them up.) It takes them - remember these are two huge guys that work for a moving company - 20 minutes and a hammer to break the bolt-thingy off (because we gave up on trying to unscrew it) and get the spare out. I never could have done this on my own. And to be honest I don't think those guys on bikes would've been much help either. They put my spare on my car for me and I thank them profusely. They both say that it's no problem, when they saw me sitting there all they could think was that they would hope someone would stop and help if it was their mama or sister or auntie. Fred and Frank you are the best.

Now I am officially running very late for work and still have no phone to call and tell anybody what's going on. And when I'm only about 30 minutes late and 3 minutes from work, the guy in front of me slams on his brakes. I am far enough behind to come to a stop without hitting him - thank goodness. And just as I'm yelling at him, to myself in my closed car of course, about what is he doing?! I see that geese are getting ready to cross the road. Not already crossing the road, or even on the road in any way. But just on the side of the road as if waiting to cross. You do not need to stop for this. The geese can wait - some of us have to get to work. But the cars on the other side stop too and the geese look both ways (I'm not kidding they really do - these are some seriously pedestrian geese) and begin crossing the street. And it's not just a few geese, it's an entire flock. They were half behind trees so you couldn't tell how many of them there were at first. But there were 43, trust me I counted. And they crossed the street at a leisurely goose-pace in a single file line. Thank you geese. You may think that this would be a grand sight to behold and isn't cute, etc... But though I can sort of chuckle about it now - I was not impressed. I was just really late.

By the time I get to work I am 40 minutes late and rush in apologizing and explaining my crazy morning. I didn't even bother telling anyone about the geese, cause it's just another ridiculous thing. I rush around trying to catch up on the morning and when I finally settle down, I realize I've started bleeding. I was four days late and had 3 positive pregnancy tests, so we were just starting to get excited. Restrained, because of our history, but excited. I didn't have much left in me after the morning I'd had - so as you can imagine I completely break down. I pull myself together enough to tell my boss what's going on, she gives me a huge, wonderful hug and sends me home. And so I leave work and drive home to get my phone and then straight to the tire place, clearly I was in shock and did not want to deal with the bigger issue yet. I explain to Andre - my third huge black man of the day - that I am on a budget and that I can't really afford 4 new tires, but I'll do what he recommends. He inspects my tires and comes back and tells me that the other 3 all look great and he wouldn't replace them yet. I only need one, which will cost $70. Andre you are the best. Mark meets me there and takes me out for burgers and ice cream. And we chat. About nothing important. Mark you are the best.

After going to the doctor and getting blood work done, etc... the nurse calls me once I'm home and tells me that my numbers are so low that it was probably just a 'chemical pregnancy'. Oh, a chemical pregnancy. Thank you, I feel much better now. So it's not like this is my 5th miscarriage. It's more like 4.1 cause if we hadn't been counting days and trying we never would've even known. It's a bummer too because I really thought I wouldn't have any more miscarriages. I really thought the next time I got pregnant would be it. Oh well - it's not to be. I know this is a depressing post for all you, but don't worry you're not alone. It's depressing for me too. I just didn't want to make a bunch of phone calls, or hear a million suggestions about how to get pregnant and keep it. I've heard them all, I promise. I just needed to vent a little. And at this point it's starting to feel like old hat - 5 for 5.

But I also wanted to say a big thank you to those 4 men who saved the day for me on Tuesday - Fred, Frank, Andre and Mark. Couldn't have gotten through the day without your help. Also want to say a huge thanks to all those who are praying for us. And if you're praying that we get pregnant, let's start getting more specific and pray that we have a baby, or children, or a whole heap of children. I don't care how you phrase it - let's just get on this and make it happen. Cause I know we can. Thanks for all your love and support. I couldn't do it without you.


Elisa Barnes said...

Bless your heart. I know that feeling of 'when it rains, it pours'... Your Tuesday is just another good example of how HF sends us the adversity, but also sends us the help to overcome. As for babies, a lot of people say they understand, but I realllly understand. I admire your strength to get thru it, and even have a laugh or two about it. Because it really is just the most ridiculous trial. Seriously. I've never been able to reconcile the whole 'why does my righteous desire also have to be my trial'.. So not fair. Anyway, hang in there. We love ya, and will pray much more specifically for you in the future!!

bobcrenshaw said...

The Lord sends us the help that we need during our trials.

You should thank your boss too.

Catherine said...

I love me some Heather M! Vent, vent away! Thank goodness for black men!! You know I'm routing for you! XOXO

Heather said...

Put your name in the temple the other day Heath. And every time I am there actually.

You weren't kidding, that is a horrible Tuesday. I am glad you were rescued 4-5 times and we will pray for you both to become the wonderful parents you will be some day and sooner than later please, thank you.

Love and hugs.

imabetty said...

So glad all those wonderful men came to your rescue. So glad you have a boss, now, who is understanding.
We've been specific in our prayers for you and will continue to be.
Love and ((((hugs)))).

Anonymous said...

Heather! I feel your pain! My neighbor who has been trying forever to have a baby, is having a baby boy! She is 46! I know everyone wants what they want right now...I know it will happen for you! I don't know how or when, but I know you will be a great Mom!
It is hard! I have been in your shoes! It does always help to count our blessings! Hooray for those 4 men who helped you! You are in my thoughts and prayers...Amber