Call Me Hopeless, Not Romantic

With Valentine's Day approaching and all the v-day shows on TV this week I've been thinking about the romance in my life.  And I must admit that I don't actually consider myself a very romantic person.  Don't get me wrong, I can watch a romantic chick-flick with the best of them - heart-beating, crying, laughing, swooning, etc.  I mean every time I watch Pride and Prejudice I could die, the tension and romance and happy ending bursting out of me.  But in real life I laugh at those kind of 'romantic' gestures, I don't really love snuggling or cuddling - honestly, I'd rather fall asleep with no one touching me, and I think expensive gifts and a dozen long-stem red roses are a waste of money - give me a rice cooker or a blender any day.  So it leaves me wondering how does my lack of romance make Mark feel?

Because when we were first dating and it was all new love and the excitement that accompanies new love, I was not myself in the romance department.  I was much more lovey-dovey and snuggly than I actually am in real life.  So does he feel cheated and tricked by my gradual (and in some areas not so gradual) shift back to normal me?  I mean I know that he agrees about the gifts and is very much a practical gift-giver.  But he is a really romantic guy.  He likes to make those cheesy romantic gestures, and I usually laugh at them.  Not in a mean way, but I do laugh first and thank second.  And today that is making me feel a little bit like a jerk.  He's spent the last two weeks telling me ideas he's come up with for what we can do on Valentine's Day, and the most excited I've been about v-day is when I found a link to Doctor Who Valentine's day e-cards.  Pathetic.  Although I do think that in most relationships there is one person who is more romantic than the other, even if it's only slightly.  As they say, opposites attract.  I just wish that sometimes I could be a little more girly and flirty about things, instead of independent and stoic.

But as I type this I am reminded of the first time that Mark told me he loved me, and how after he said it he told me that he didn't expect me to say it back, because he knew that it was hard for me.  I guess he did know what he was getting into after all.  So there- maybe I'm not such a jerk.  I'm just a girl who appreciates that she has a guy who knows her and is still willing to try to bring some romance into her life.  (Even if I do laugh at him.)  Love you, babe.  And Happy Valentine's Day everybody.  (Even if it is just a fake holiday made up by card and candy companies to make more money.)